Many of you are wondering, how the heck did Tolkien get asked to Q down here in The Fort? Well, glad you asked. Wakey-leaks has secured of an actual transcript of a conversation between JRR Tolkien and Longshanks on course at the Fort Bragg Spartan Race, where Tolkien SMASHED ‘Shanks time…. here it is in the interest of public disclosure:

Shanks: so word has it you got the biggest mouth in SOBland, maybe F3? Is that true?
JRR: Of course that’s true. I can because I’m a sponsored athlete.
Shanks: HEY SO AM I!!! Oral IV, Athletics 8, and a few more
JRR: pfft… they made a Pokémon Go character after me. And at least 10 pandas were named after me globally in 2016. In fact, I’m working with BUCCI right now to advertise their new men’s handbag line.
Shanks: BUCCI? You mean GUCCI right?
JRR: no BUCCI… the unlicensed knock off stuff. Much cheaper in cost and quality. Like the Piffany jewelry you got your M for her birthday, only different.
Shanks: WOW… you’ve really made it! Well I got named Longshanks because in prison I had the record for keystering the longest shank in my you know what!!!! #LegendStatus
JRR: Don’t touch me… (stare and silence)
Shanks: You really do have a big mouth. I respect that, I talk a little bit of junk myself. Being from Wisconsin and all, where our sports teams are supreme.
JRR: Ummm… my Creighton Bluejays whooped up on your Wisconsin Badgers by 12 a week or two ago in hoops.
Shanks: Oh yeah, well I have the record for most kids in a Physical Education Class in South Carolina at 20!
JRR: Dude, kids are required to go to your class. I can get 20+ PAX to show up in the freezing rain to post at one of my workouts…even when it’s not in my on region.
Shanks: Hey can you help me over the 8’ wall? Like the movie says, white men can’t jump.
JRR: 30 burpees brother… see you at the finish line. I’ll be waiting to give you your medal after I have a beer.
Shanks: That’s it Tolkien… winner Q’s in the loser’s region!
JRR: Deal… see you at The Fort!
Shanks: By the way, when are you going to start running elite instead of competitive?
JRR: I’m not elite.
Shanks: I know (mic dropped)

The Thang:

Warmup: (5min)
Mosey, Side Shuffle, karaoke, butt kicks, high knees
Imperial walker (cadence)
Low Squat (down- up) x 15
Merkin (military cadence- up down) x 15
Plank (left hand high right foot high) 10 count switch
Run back to truck

Part 1: until I call time which was 3 1/3 rounds (15min)
partner 1 bucket carry across lot (put bucket down you owe 10 CDD)
Partner 2 backwards run up hill and back down.
Partner 3 bear crawl/crab walk

Hill > bucket > crawls > Hill…

Part 2: Run to playground area, partners (10min)
1 pull-up
5 toes to bar
1 pull-up
5 knees to elbows
1 pull-up
(Switch with partner who is doing 5 reverse burpees and then American hammers)

Handoff to Longshanks 2H Q

Mosey to The Parking lot in front of Synergeics for some extended Dora:
Partner runs to the hill and back while partner exercises:
100 Bombjacks
200 Squats
300 LBC’s
200 SSH
50 Burpees

Start Moseying back for COT but stop for:
10 Dips (IC)
5 Derkins
10 Dips (IC)
5 Widearm Derkins
10 Dips (IC)
5 Diamond Derkins

COT and BOM

Announcements – Turkey Giveaway in Paradise, Christmas Party, Operation Sweet Tooth, Joe Davis Run

Prayers

NM (Tolkien):

YHC has always been impressed with The Fort’s creativity, involvement in the community, and dedication to investing in each other. Whether it’s hosting CSAUPs like Fast5k (nevermind you all cheated with the high school track star), bringing hundreds of turkeys for community outreach AND showing up in person to hand them out, or cranking out eye popping numbers for F3 Dads. The Fort has something special and should be very proud of your region. Special thanks to Longshanks for inviting me to come co-Q with him, truly an honor, dude is a beast and YHC is looking for big things from him in the 2017 Spartan season!

Flat tire was working an extra muscle group today exercising his lips by flapping his gums, even more than his core and legs!
Tesh already knew a ‘Shanks workout would be easy so he did a 3+ mile prerun first.
The very best of SOB-land showed up to throw down with The Fort and all of them came to play: Fire Hazard showed up early for a prerun with JRR Tolkien then transformed into a burpee machine during Dora. Mario was up all night hopping from bar to bar chasing after the ladies #fathersnightmare . We’ll just call it a CSAUP because his efforts were “Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless”. Hey blame the lexicon, not me! But he did make the workout and was always at the front. Thin Mint looked in mid season Spartan Race form during the bucket carries and is just as fast backwards as forwards. YHC expects him to podium a race later this year… ELITE style.
One of the Fort’s leaders Reborn came back for the 6 on every run section, and another BOLT made sure to stop by for COT after hitting The Reservation. Thanks for your leadership men.

NM (Shanks):

1. By the way Tolkein is spelled token, as in he’s token something, don’t worry its medicinal.
2. Only reason Tolkien talks about Fort Bragg is thats the only Spartan Race he beat me in this year. Charlotte Sprint Saturday. Nope. Charlotte Sprint Sunday. Nope. Asheville Super. Nope. Did he even do Asheville? Nope. Carolina Beast Saturday. Nope. Carolina Beast Sunday. Nope. Oh yeah he ran the Sprint Sunday. Weak. Kid Rock has more wins against me this year than you do.
3. Actual conversation with Tolkien this Saturday. Hey we need one more for our six man Ultra Team for P200 as one guy dropped out. Tolkien – thats too much running. So no.
4. In all seroiusness, great to have Tolkien out to help lead the workout. Couple of months ago he stated how he needed to come to a workout in The Fort, but only after Kiawah. YHC said that I have the Q the week after Kiawah. Come on over and I’ll let you lead half. Knew what was coming then. #epicbeatdown
5. Guess YHC need to come to SOB land to repay the favor. #wheresmyinvite
5. Blessed by all that showed up with Turkeys and presents. Both were a success.

Longshanks out (mic drop) again