Fast 5 “The World’s Fastest 5K” 2016 – Results

  • QIC: Zima and Anchorman
  • When: 05/21/16
  • Pax: PAX of The Fort (Fort Mill, Indian Land, Alcatraz, Rock Hill), SOB and FiA
  • Posted In: Uncategorized

Is this a 1st F? Is this a 2ndF? Is this a CSAUP? Will there seriously be bacon? Yes! Yes to all! We’ve come a long way in the 7 months since we ran for glory in the first Fast 5. Here are just a few insights from YHC and Anchorman:

• We increased our count of 11 teams (55 runners) to 22 teams (110 runners)
• We invited FiA to join the festivities and they posted 4 teams. Tclaps ladies.
• We had an All Clydesdale team!
• A couple of 2.0 Teams
• #Drones are cool (Thanks Old Bay)
• No pigs were harmed in the making…oh wait! Never mind!
• 10 pounds of bacon is expensive and goes quick post-race!
• The guys from SOB are still #fast

This race is a competition, but it’s also more about fellowship, family and friends. It’s apparent by the number of Ms, 2.0s and Pax that showed! In all, there were more than 175 people. It’s the Pax and their families that make this event fun and special. Tclaps to y’all! And now…

THE THANG:

Pax arrived to the smell of sizzling bacon thanks to Anchorman. As they all started to spill out onto the track and field, some began to warm up and some decided to sample bacon. Both good choices. The sights and sounds of 2.0s playing and running around was proof on what this event is all about. All teams checked in it was time for a little COP led by YHC:

COP
• SSH X10 IC
• Imperial Walkers X11 or X12 IC
• Windmills X10 IC
• Merkins X10ish IC
• Mountain Climbers X10 IC
• Low Slow Squat X10 IC
• 10 Burpees OYO

BOM with Anchorman.

Teams then lined up on the opposite side of the field for the start. Thanks to Funhouse for reminding us we should use batons for this relay race. Batons set, FiA teams and 2.0s had choice starting positions, and the race was off! The screaming sounds of encouragement from teammates and families, along with the zipping by of the drone made this an exciting race. 5 runners, 5 kilometer, relay style! Two and a half laps of “All You Got!” for each runner (harder than it seems). All the energy, trash talk and hype leading up to this event and it was all over in less than 25 minutes. When the dust settled, this is how everything shook out:

Place Team Name Runner #1 Runner #2 Runner #3 Runner #4 Runner #5 Clydesdale/Respect Finishing Time
1 F3-Clandestine SOBs Bratwurst Out Cold Haggis Honey Bee Frasier Out Cold (58) 15:49.00
2 TNT- ‘Cause We’re Dynamite Geronimo! Thom Stiles Bolt Dave Paukovitz MaryLou Bruce Hymas Kenyan Todd Wedge FNG Cameron Smith Kenyan 16:30.00
3 We’re Going Streaking! Bunker JRR Tolkien Mario Strange Brew Tuck Strange Brew 16:35.00
4 Fast Bastards. Bacon get in my Belly. Longshanks Bing Flat Tire Screen Print Macgyver Flat Tire 16:58.00
5 Easy Peezy Lemon Squeezy Jekyll Boeheim Photobomb Sir Topham Hat Maximus Maximus 17:10.00
6 Flash in a Pan Funhouse White Lightning OffSpring Sunshine Brick White Lightning 17:59.00
7 Baconators Dawg Pound Ginsu Hasselhoff Howitzer Peabody Howitzer 18:16.00
8 They’ve Gone to Plaid Zima Dark Helmet Cerrano Crash Corruption Take Your Pick 18:36.00
9 NORUCK Cobra Kai Sweeper Freebird Big Red Chicken Hawk Big Red 18:39.00
10 The United Nations Birdcage Assasin General Geppetto Skate or Die Birdcage 18:59.00
11 Tighten Your Core Italian Job Burgundy Walker Drifter Drydock Walker (respect) 19:30.99
12 AppleWood Smoked Bacon The Riddler Chappie Solid State Rhinestone Gauge Solid State 20:02.00
13 Baby Got Track Alex Vroon Amy Metz Meredith Adams Kiersten Rosborough Kara Campbell FiA Exempt 20:17.11
14 #F3ShoeModels CSPAN Sharknado Trucker Chaser Gears CSPAN (Respe…er 200+) 20:33.00
15 Team Also Ran Gekko Royale Tater Willie Cable Guy Tater 20:33.00
16 Rock Hill Chicken Fraternity Legoland Voight Catfish Assassin Atlas Catfish 21:40.10
17 The Young Speedsters Shutdown Man of Steel Lockdown Prissy Missy Little Lightning Combined age over 50 (2.0 team) 21:46.00
18 Dangerous Curves Cindy Lu Zoom Miss Priss Napa Rally Cat FiA Exempt 21:54.00
19 The Golden Girls Mandy Hanes Madison Cornwell Susan Axton Kari Cornwell Macy Axton FiA Exempt 22:57.00
20 Pumped Up Kicks Pele Cheryl Boggess Swiper Lois Lane Tiger Lily FiA Exempt 23:48.00
21 Secret Weapon Lil Lighting Man of Steel Road Runner Senator Tressel White Lightning Senator Tressel Not Recorded
22 Fab Five Lugnut Spitz Shortsale Twister FNG All of us!!! Not Recorded

*Any errors in recording the times are mine.  Feel free to send me a message to update any errors.

The event was followed up by the 2.0 Fun Run of 1 Lap and then it was time for a little tailgating. If you didn’t stick around, you missed Assassin’s bacon, potato and cheese casserole. It was a great time all around. The next Fast 5 will be in the Fall. Until then the Fast 5 trophy remains somewhere safe in the bowels of Ballantyne. Congrats to the Clandestine SOBs for defending their title. And congrats to FiA “Baby Got Track” for coming out on top as well!

Shout outs:

• Thanks to Skinner for use of the facility
• Thanks to Solid-State for the photos
• Thanks to Old Bay for the video
• Thanks to Dark Helmet for the new design, go get a shirt NOW so we make quota!
• Thanks to Zima’s M #Griswold for letting him help organize this silly event
• Thanks to Longshanks for the “batons”
• Thanks to Package for the Megaphone
• Thanks to those we may have missed that helped us pull this off

To order your Fast 5 shirt, click HERE

To view pictures of the event, click HERE

To view a video of the event, click HERE

Aye!
Zima and Anchorman

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0 thoughts on “Fast 5 “The World’s Fastest 5K” 2016 – Results

    • Riddler says:

      Thanks for putting this on. It burned a lot worst then I expected it to. All things considered I realize I am a distance runner not a speed man haha.

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