The Difficult Produces Growth

I struggle with how to put this into words, but I’ve come to realize that I do not grow when setting out to accomplish easy objectives? Technological and social advances aimed at improving our everyday lives, may make us more efficient, but what lessons and what growth are we missing out on when we are consistently able to avoid discomfort? This has made me soft in some ways. What’s more, at times I know I’ve flocked toward those easier things rather than face the pain of not knowing how or being able to complete the harder thing. I’ve cowered away from the learning process (try, fail, try again, succeed). Then it’s perpetuated. I don’t learn what it’s like to overcome adversity so therefore, I avoid adverse situations.

Over time, I have learned that much of my confidence is born out of my participation in physically challenging events. These events have evolved over the years, but the harder they are or the longer they last, the better and the more I learn about myself. There is something about completing an objective that is taxing, be it physical, mental or emotionally taxing, that builds a level of self-confidence difficult to put into words. For several years, I talked about multi-day, endurance events, but for one reason or many, I avoided registering. Some would say, those events are just crazy to even think about, yet for me, I saw them as a dream. Two years ago, I finally caught hold of that dream when I began my pursuit of the “bolts.”

I was joined by 3 other men who would help me stare down my demons and take a run at completing the most physically demanding event I’d attempted to date. It was the GORUCK HTL which stands for Heavy Tough Light. GORUCK conducts endurance events modeled after military training exercises to challenge the participants in just about every imaginable way. This Heavy was roughly 24hrs and covered 40 miles; the Tough lasted 12hrs and covered 20 miles, while the Light consisted of 6hrs covering 10 miles. In between each event, we had a few hours to recover and re-fire our spirits. These events test you individually while also requiring you to operate as a team. More information can be found at www.goruck.com.

These bolts I mentioned are three lightning bolts stitched on a 2” x 3” Velcro™-style patch to be worn on a Ruck, a tactical hat or displayed on a patch board. That’s it. No money or recognition. No plaque or medal. Just the feeling of completion and a newfound respect for not only those who joined you in this pursuit, but also respect for yourself, and the surge in confidence that comes from completing such an event. The patch symbolizes the work, the shared suffering, the demons overcome. The patch welcomes you to the comradery of a few. The patch became the target I ran toward a few years ago. The early morning training, the two-a-day workouts, marathon distance rucks, slinging a ton of weight and shared suffering with 3 other men, Jeff Parker, Matt Sheridan and Phillip Thorne; that was where the bond and true confidence was built. That patch reminds me of the confidence I should have in myself.

I would have never completed, much less attempted, the GORUCK HTL without these men by my side. They knew the headspace I was in. Physically, I knew I could do it, but mentally, that is where I lacked confidence. These men saw to it that I wouldn’t train alone and each of them had their own motivation. These guys are different, obviously. They are the ones you call in case of emergency. They are the ones that can see the look in my eyes and without a single word, know what’s next. I’m blessed to have a number of men like that in my life and I hope you have those people, too.

There was one early Saturday morning workout we had planned, but due to a conflict, I couldn’t join them. I was bummed. I tried to get over it but honestly, I was in a funk. They learned I couldn’t join them and I was going to attempt the scheduled workout on my own. They changed their plans and showed up in my driveway early that morning so we could complete it, together. The workout sucked, in a good way. It was brutal. One of us threw out their back. Another essentially dislocated a hip. Looking back, we all agreed, that workout would’ve been almost impossible if attempted solo. But what made it possible, even memorable, was that we sought the difficult with accountability by our side. Had we settled for the easy, our goal would never have been possible. We would have embraced the excuses and settled for what most see as comfortable. But, why would we do that? We wouldn’t. Or should I say, we shouldn’t. Rather, together we sought the difficult, knowing it would build a new level of confidence we’d later need. In the early morning hours or the heat of the afternoon during the Heavy, that never-quit confidence most certainly came into play.

These experiences of pushing myself further than I thought possible, have made me question what other areas of my life I have opted for what is comfortable or easy rather than raising the stakes to do the harder thing. How about the time I didn’t have the hard conversation with my wife because I was scared of how it could expose my own weakness? What about at work? What about the time I kept my hand in my pocket rather than raise it to take on a difficult project? What did I learn then? I learned that I’m scared. I learned that I lacked confidence. I learned that my growth would be delayed.

When I let fear or apathy drive my decisions and I am too afraid to take on the difficult, I fail. I learned 2 years ago that true growth comes in the midst of discomfort. I learned that my mental strength is just like my physical strength; it only grows when it is tested, stretched, and possibly, torn. I’ll only truly know what I’m capable of when I test myself and go beyond the limits I impose.

I should’ve realized this years ago when a great example, my wife, set out to start her own business. It was a scary time. She had constant questions swirling in her head. Where would my patients come from? How would I pay the bills? Who would watch the kids? What if I fail? Would that make me a failure? Similar questions that keep us from embarking on any new journey. The fear of the unknown, the uncomfortable, can be the largest barrier to realizing growth. That barrier keeps us from realizing the confidence that lies beneath.

She’s accomplished so much since starting her business; beyond the obvious. Leadership growth, thriving during a pandemic, learning how to handle personnel decisions, and serving a community in a way God has uniquely equipped her for, are all examples of growth that would’ve never happened had she not embraced the difficult. Watching her navigate this unknown has reinforced for us both that stepping out into the difficult is worth it. It’s where we grow, and get to see God at work in, and through our lives.

Where will you find your patch? What limitations have you put on yourself that are keeping you comfortable? What growth are you giving up on? Take that first step in charging after the difficult. You might just learn you’re capable of more than you thought.