On 1 September in the year of our lord 2023 seven brave souls ventured into the depths of the gloom to participate in a physical and emotional journey that tested their mettle and challenged their sacred sense of honor.

With the charisma of a popinjay and the determination of Atlas himself I provided a disclaimer that forewarned those that dared to enter into this endeavor of the dangers that lurked around every corner.

After my short oratory, inspired by my call to action, and with no fear on the danger, we were off on our quest to vanquish the scourge of the “Sad Clown” and triumph over apathy.

On our way to our first physical test we encountered a BEAST of unparrelled furor and rage. Some legends say the mere sight of this beast traveling portends bad luck and misfortune. (It was a black cat) Nevertheless, undaunted, we continued our quest.

Finally we arrived at our first destination, the church of Luther. We did not nail anything to a door but we did test our selves with the following exercises:

SSH 15 (IC)
Windmill 10 (IC)
Mnt Climbers 20 (IC)
Stretch
Plank Jack 15 (IC)
Michael Phelps 10 (IC)

With our first task complete we ventured off into the good night.(err morning I guess…it was still dark anyway)

After crossing the road of Gold Hills we descended ever so gracefully into the parking lot of “Let’s Crab”. It was there that our merry band first encountered disunion in our ranks as Sir Skipper of Ohio regaled us all with his tales of dining woe at said establishment. To the contrary, Sir Slowest of Jams of the Island that is quite Long stated that his father was quite fond of said food hall. They of course then settled their debate as gentleman often do with a duel. (not true but we should’ve done this)

While we pondered these questions the rest of our company engaged in the following physical exertion:

X 3 Sets
30 seconds Merkins
15 seconds rest
30 seconds Squats
15 seconds rest
30 seconds LBC’s
15 seconds rest
30 seconds Burpees
15 seconds rest.

Upon completion of our task we ventured back out into the darkness. Passing a poultry dispensary we crossed over the road of 160 and ended this portion of our journey at a crossroads. (literally the parking lot of the bar/restaurant crossroads…the former lake wylie brewery)

It was here where Sir Mainframe raised the important point of dental care and the cost associated with this noble pursuit. We all decided that we are in the wrong vocation and to get over our sorrow we engaged in the following physical exertion:

X 3 Sets
30 seconds HR Merkins
15 seconds rest
30 seconds Lunges
15 seconds rest
30 seconds Flutters
15 seconds rest
30 seconds Burpees
15 seconds rest.

After this trial was satisfied we again pressed on galloping down the road like stallions to our next destination and our final test of manhood and endurance. Circling up, Sir Slowest of Jams remarked on one his past battle wounds in which he is now unable to wear his undergarments of choice. We all contemplated this tragedy as we begun our last physical test before our tale of trial would conclude:

X 3 Sets

30 seconds Diamond Merkins
15 seconds rest
30 seconds BBS/Hammers
15 seconds rest
30 seconds Burpees
15 seconds rest.

Upon completion of our final test we ventured back to where our journey began. Some, wept, some bled all basked in the morning light as the trials and tribulations of the past 45 minutes washed over us. With little time left on our journey together we circled up and all shared our plans for the future, now that our honor has been restored. (Most of us are cooking out and participating in Fantasy Football drafts this weekend)

It was indeed an honor…and humbling to lead such a sturdy group of men on this adventure. Until we meet again!

Fare thee Well!