Jiffy gave me a holler this weekend to Q here. I was in the lower spectrum of the Flux lately and Q-ing a mostly black diamond AO was just what I needed to get out of it. Thank you Jiffy for the opportunity!!

As I rolled in a little after 5, I saw Straight Up getting in a prerun. That’s always nice to see and also be a part of. Get after it my man!!

Quite a few PAX showed up. I was surprised since I was “competing” with the launch of Shady’s new Minnow Pond HIgh-Intensity-Run AO. Regardless of numbers, the fact that PAX show up to get better is always good to see. Word the night before was that there would be an FNG. Sure enough, the FNG held their word and posted. Awesome!! We briefly explained what F3 is, then went through the 5 core principles of F3 and also a full disclaimer. Then off we went.

Yogging pace mosey around the front parking lot of the school for a quick warm up to get the muscles warm and blood flowing. Some great conversations along the way. Then back near where we started for the COP:

20 or so of the following:
* Sidestraddle hops (SSH)
* Windmills (WM)
* Imperial Walker (IW)
* Hillbilly walker (HW)
* Moroccan night clubs (MNC)

Then off to the field out front for the main event. Once we were staged I shared some intro words of my message (see below), then we got into it.

Fields of Gory:

Two LED candles placed at either end of the field for marking and romantic ambiance, roughly 100yds apart. No roses or chocolates though, sorry. PAX lined up along one end. Start at one end with an exercise, do a transition to the other side, do another exercise, another transition back, etc. A total of 4 rounds were done, so we transitioned 400 yds total. Here’s what we did:

Round / Exercise / Transition:

1. 75 merkins then Lt Dan (100 yds) to next
2. 100 hillbilly squat* then bear crawl (100 yds) to next (which was where we started)
3. 125 flutters (2 ct) then broad jump (100 yds) to next
4. 150 elbow plank peter parkers (SC) then sprint to start/finish area

• Hillbilly Squat = Do a sumo squat, then after you come up you lift one knee up and side crunch the same side elbow down to where they both almost or lightly touch. Then place foot back down and straighten up from the side crunch. That’s one rep. Repeat, alternating L-R sides as you go.

There was a lot of good mublechatter the whole time, and the FNG had plenty of help understanding the terms as well as plenty of encouragement and motivation to complete the work at hand. You know, because that’s how we F3 HIMs roll!! That’s the way to get FNGs to come back.  Everyone did GREAT!!

We still had some time, so we circled up on the field for a people’s choice Ablab / Mary

• Jiffy – Russian twists
• Mr T – Boxcutter
• Mainframe – ?? Something that made Mr T really rip a few good, loud, long ones that made us all laugh good. That’s all I can remember from his turn. He and Cable Guy need to get together.
• Harry Carry – Freddy mercury

After that we were done and toasted. On to COT.

FNG Naming / Announcements / P&P

•  FNG was EH’d by Straight Up. They work together and have done some OCR events together. Got ‘Scooter’ because he loves to bike ride and motorcycle ride.
• Read your newsletter – Journey group starting up, Q Source convergence, Invergence in September, Ragnar, etc
• Prayers for Jiffy’s mom who was very recently diagnosed with lymphoma.
• Prayers for my M. See below.

It was a great morning! The FNG really hung in there well. Great mumblechatter. A lot of hard work put in. It was a much needed blast!

NMM – Sharing Your Burdens

The past year or so I have not really been talking much at my Qs. Just setting the work expectations and getting things done. If I did talk it was brief, not much expansion, much of a message for others to marinate on and get better from, or input from the PAX at all. Even at my Q at The Fire Ant two days prior to this I was pretty quiet. Today was different. I felt I had to. Not expectation from site Q or anything, rather I needed to do it. I needed to share for myself and others.

I briefly mentioned some of what’s below to the PAX during the workout to frame my message, but I am going to expand upon this here. Get something to drink and get comfortable if you want to read on. I ask that you please do.

To be 100% honest, since the completion of the Custom DSM event and Star Course 26 after, I have nearly completely lost all motivation to post. The DSM was May, star course was June. In the past month or so I may have posted a handful of times. I’ve been just burned out in every way. In the few months prior to the DSM I completed a GRT, then 1/2 marathon, full marathon, P200, a GRT-L combo, Pathfinder Advanced training, a Mile-High mountain ruck (thanks Dirty Harry), and have also completed every GORUCK monthly themed challenge. I was posting a minimum 5 days a week as well, with pre-runs or pre-rucks 2-3 times a week mixed in for good measure. My body was getting hammered, so the physical burnout was obvious. But I was also quite mentally and emotionally burned out. Stick a fork in me I’m done burnout. Alot of stressers in my life. There was a lot on my mind, a lot of distractions. Job stresses; worrying about my 86 year old mom; family worries; the highs of completing the physical challenges and subsequent lows of pain, recovery, healing, and slowly getting back in a groove for the next things; my older brother getting divorced and selling his house that we all made a TON of great memories in over the years; worries about my older son who has ADHD and was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (a form of Autism); I had a coworker who recently committed suicide – and nobody at work knew he was suffering; I am OCD so there’s always something around the house that I feel has to be made better.  And there was more. They started overwhelming me mentally and emotionally. Between the physical, emotional, and mental burdens, they felt 100x heavier than my ruck at the DSM Heavy. The Jester was pulling his strings on me. I was feeling I was in downward spiral. I’ve never been diagnosed as depressed, but I started wondering if I was. I was in the low range of The Flux for sure. It’s part of life. It happens.

But the big hitter came recently. My wife of 14 years, Stephanie, had been having headaches off and on over the past few months, like since the beginning of the year. Sometimes debilitating ones where she would have to leave work quite early and go home, crawl in bed, and rest. Some days she’d have them, some days not. Totally random. She has a stressful job but on days she had a rough day at work, she may not have one. No BP issues causing them. No sickness present. Blood work showed no causes. Docs thought it was migraines. Migraine meds did not help. Got an MRI. Later we got the results – docs found something on the right side of her brain, it appeared old,  was small,  and did not appear to be a tumor. We were told to go see a neurologist.  As you could imagine, that caused ALOT of stress between us two as well as our families.

But I kept all of that in. Did not really talk about that much to anyone. I stayed home, did not work out, did not talk to others, kept mostly off social media. Even when others pinged me I kept away from discussing things. I felt nobody really cared about my problems. This is pretty much how I can be, and have been so most of my life.

I felt I was directly headed to a breaking point. I could feel my BP rise – and my home checks of it confirmed it. The pressure cooker was piping hot, packed full and expanding, and about to burst. This was no way to live. I had to snap out of it but had no motivation to muster up the momentum to move forward.

Sometimes the momentum for movement comes from outside yourself. Last week I got invited to a birthday party for a fellow PAX Olaf (the younger one). I of course accepted. That was a lift, a positive impact, initiator event #1 in itself.  As I was getting ready to leave with my family in tow, I got a message from Jiffy. He wanted me to get out and Q at The Ranch. I could’ve made an excuse but I accepted.  That was a lift, initiator event #2. Then I went to the party and had some great 2nd F with the PAX there. Even then, I still did not mentioned some of this to the other PAX that were there – I did not want to be the grey cloud in the party. So I put on that façade of all is well when it really was not. As the party drew to a close (at least for me), another event that initiated my movement happened. Router asked if I wanted to Q at The Fire Ant. I could’ve made an excuse but I accepted. That was a lift, initiator event #3. Finally seeing the PAX at the party, just being around them even if I did not talk much – that was another lift, initiator event #4. I went home feeling MUCH better. Those commitments gave me  purpose and responsibility.  It was quite a lift out of the doldrums for me. I don’t think those PAX know how much that made a difference but they do now. They are VERY MUCH appreciated!

I mentioned some of this to the PAX just before we started the main event. I let them know I was very thankful to be back in the gloom after some time off. That getting back out helped me re-discover how valuable the people in my life are to me. Who are my real positive impactors are in my life. I then challenged the PAX to think about who the impactors are in their life, who they can talk with to share their burdens. You should always be able to talk to your M, the Sky Q is ALWAYS there for you if you let Him in your life, and sometimes your friends in your life are more of a ‘shield lock’ than you may know. You don’t have to be in F3 to be considered one in my opinion.

We cranked out the first two rounds of exercises, then I took a few minutes to discuss more.

I  mentioned how getting back out in the gloom this week and talking, sharing, sweating with others was quite cathartic and a great form of therapy for me. I did not slam everyone with all my burdens, nor have deep mumblechatter discussions about any of them during workouts, but just the act of bringing out my wife’s health issue in the COTs where I posted this week let out a lot of the pressure I had built up.  We PAX are hesitant to bring things out in the COT, no matter how big or small a burden. That’s all I needed to get my boat straightened out from its list to port and get my mind to where I can feel better about things, which I do. I also mentioned that we men are “wired” for the need to fix things we see ‘broken’. So when someone comes to us with an issue, we see it as a “problem” that needs fixing, so we start going into offering solutions. Sometimes that’s not what people need. Sometimes they know the solutions, may not have mentioned them, and know they are hard roads to travel. Sometimes folks just need a set of sympathetic and empathetic ears. Sometimes we men just need to listen, let the conversation flow in the direction the other person takes it, which sometimes will self-lead to solutions that THEY can find, not that WE provide. But most importantly, we need to get our burdens out in the open with others that impact our lives.

Then I challenged the PAX to think about a current burden in their life, big or small. Then I went and asked each one of them to say aloud to the other PAX one or two words that could best describe that burden. We all heard things like “job security”, “family health”, “struggles with my son”, “M’s health”, “job stress”, “financial issues”, “my mom”, “marriage”, and more. So there is proof we all have burdens. It was great to hear, and I thanked them all for their openness, vulnerability, and honesty.

Then we got back after it to complete rounds 3 and 4.

When it was over we discussed the fact that during this workout we 1) thought about who are impactors are, who are shield locks are, who we can talk to. and 2) a burden in your life. In a nutshell we know an issue, we know we have to talk about it (if we have not), and we know who we feel we can talk to about it. So now I challenged the PAX to DO IT. Get it out to someone. Get outside the comfort zone (or relieve the pressure). Talk. I’ve heard and also mentioned to the PAX that sometimes folks are afraid to bring things up in the COT for a slew of potential reasons. That discussing burdens are what Shield Lock relationships are for. Understood, BUT that’s what the COT is for. Sometimes all it takes is getting it out. Sometimes they don’t want deep discussions that morning. If folks approach you later after COT, or sometime after that workout, to further discuss then there it is, your concentrica is forming on its own. But folks will never know unless you air it out.

OR – be the one with the ears to listen to someone. If you know someone who appears to be a pressure cooker…….ask them if they are OK? If they want to talk. Sometimes that’s all it takes to be the impactor to cause positive movement towards a direction of improvement. Pusher did just that with me after COT at Clydesdales the day before my Q at the Ranch, and it was amazing how it made me feel, how it uplifted me. Thank you my friend.

TO THOSE READING WHO WERE NOT THERE:
Scan the list of who was at this workout. How many of you knew someone on the list of attendees have one of these issues mentioned above? Do you know other PAX out there that may have one as well? Can you identify or know of someone who is a “pressure cooker” ? How often do you hear something from them in the COT? Don’t be afraid to ask someone “how are you doing?” after the COT and we are chitter chattering before we leave. Be the impactor. Start the momentum shift. Sometimes that’s what others need.

While we worked out on that field at The Ranch, every one of us gave it our all, let it all out on that field. We were all exhausted when we got to COT – not to mention wet, dirty, and grassy. Yes!! Mission accomplished!!. But as we discussed, sometimes when it comes to our burdens we carry, that’s what we have to do – let them out and leave them out for all, especially those close to us. OR help someone do that. Even if it’s just a mention of them in the COT. That one small step can be the impactor towards positive movement for improvement.

Thanks for the opportunity to lead. God bless.

-NASA